I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
