sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
