Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
