Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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