she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
