my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
