I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
