forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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