Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
