At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
