I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
last night I used snow as a chaser
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
