Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
