i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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