I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
