I met the friendliest cop last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
