thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
time to smoke my breakfast
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
