We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
