I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
