Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
