I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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