nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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