Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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