His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
