this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
