so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
