What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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