So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
