It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
