I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
