Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
