my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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