Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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