burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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