I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
