Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize