pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
