So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
