I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
