i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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