the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
