apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
