i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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