mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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