How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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