I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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