you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I faked an abortion last night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
