Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Still dying that you shit outside
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
