you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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