Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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