I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize