You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
