The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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