I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
