I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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