There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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