My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
