Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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