you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
